OMGitsRen

I Swear……

I know my sister is 4 years older than me but I seriously feel like she’s 10 years younger, and what pisses me off more is that I allow her to bring me down to her level. All my life she’s bossed me around, now that I’m older I tend to defend myself more but I’m not going to lie I still allow her to talk down to me and tell me what to do. it’s become our relationship and even though I hate it, it is what it is. We fight over the stupidest things: food, money, remote controls -_-and they grow to serious fights. And what I hate more is that instead of trying to end the fighting, my parents add on, they take sides and it’s usually not mine. Not that I want them to take my side on everything because I know I’m not always right but its like they don’t even need to know the story before they jump in with their input. They act like they’re scared of my sister, whenever something is wrong they ALWAYS come and yell at me. Example: last week my sister stained my moms car with something while she was borrowing it. My mom calls me screaming even though she knows I never drove her car. when I told her it was my sister she says ok and hangs up. when I get home I ask my sister if mom talked to her about the stain and she said no, even though my mom and my sister where home together for hours!! This happens all the time and I’m over it!! I’m always the bad, rude, uncaring one. Even though my parents always tell there friends that I’m so sweet, and they when they get older they’ll be living at my house not my sister’s cause I’ll take care of them and she won’t (which is probably what will end up happening). I just really hate this, I see myself changing into a more hateful person because of how they treat me. I never talk to them anymore and I get pissed at simple things that would never anger me in the past. but I can’t help it, I’ve built up so much anger and resentment towards them that everything they say or do makes me mad. I just wish I had a family that I could talk to and laugh with and not just feel like a live with people I can’t stand but putting on a facade to keep some soft of peace until I can leave. My parents always tell me that I won’t have them forever, but I don’t think I have them now. Yes they provide me with a place to stay, clothes on my back (not really cause I pay for that myself), etc., etc. but when problems occur and I need them, I’m always to afraid to go to them because I know they’ll just get yell at and judge and that’s not what I need. It’s the same with my sister; it feels like I have 3 parents instead of 2 when I’m dealing with her. I don’t know, I just really hate feeling like the outcast in the family. I hate feeling like no one cares about you and that they will turn on you in a second. This is why I turn to the few friends that I really trust. Last week my mom told my that the only reason I have any friends is because I have money and a car and that once all that is gone they’ll leave me. What she doesn’t know is that my friends have been there for me though all my shit, they don’t yell or judge and they only want the best for me. My parents say they only want the same, but I think what they really want is my child they could show off to their friends and all my sister wants is the same 6 year old girl that would take the blame for the things she did in exchange for her friendship. But that girl is long gone and if my parents don’t like the young lady I have become well *Kanye Shrug*. I’m really starting to like who I am even though I know they don’t. For now I guess this facade will have to do.